أمومة ومراهقة

لماذا تتلقى الأم كل اللوم حين تسوء الأمور مع الأبناء؟.. هل التاريخ ضد الأمهات أم العادات والتقاليد؟.. إليك أقوال العلماء والباحثين!

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اخبار اليوم ـ أمومة ومراهقة

متابعة وتحرير

لماذا عندما يخطأ أحد الأولاد ننسى الأب فوراً وتتشكل في مخيلتنا أن اللوم يقع على الأم فقط ولماذا حين يبدأ لوم الوالدين تتجه الأنظار والألسنة إلى الام مباشرةً؟

هل فعلاً الأم هي متسببة أكثر من الاب في وقوع الطفل في الخطأ وعلى ماذا استند العلماء حتى قالوا ان الأم هي السبب أكثر من الأب.

هل ظلم العلماء والباحثون تلك الأم وهل هي العاطفة القوية والتفكير بالقلب هو من أدى لاتهام الام بشكل مباشر في التسبب في خطأ ابنها او ابنتها؟

وبالرغم من أن الأبوة مسؤولية جسيمة، فإن في كل مرة يخطئ فيها الطفل يقع اللوم على الأم فقط. في المقابل، عندما يحقق الأطفال إنجازا ما، أو تتم الإشادة بهم

فإن الآباء يبتهجون ويفخرون، حتى أنهم يعتبرون ذلك إنجازا خاصا بهم. ليس الآباء فقط، ولكن المجتمع أيضا يلوم الأم وينسب الفخر للوالد في معظم الأحيان.

تقول الكاتبة الهندية سوغاندا بورا من الشائع في الأسر الهندية أنه عندما يفعل الطفل أي شيء يستحق الثناء، فإن الأب عادة ما يقول عبارة على غرار “ابني قام بعمل رائع” أو “أنا فخور بابنتي”.

أما عندما يخطئ الطفل، فيقول الأب للأم “انظري ماذا فعل ابنك؟” أو “علمي ابنتك كيف تتصرف؟” يميل أفراد الأسرة كذلك -وخاصة أقارب الأب- إلى إلقاء اللوم على أم الطفل وتوبيخها.

وبهذه الطريقة لا يعفي الآباء أنفسهم من المساءلة عما يحدث من خطأ فحسب، بل يضعون اللوم بالكامل على الأم أيضا.

التاريخ ضد الأمهات

وفقا للكاتبة سارة واتس -في مقالها على موقع “فوربس” (Forbes)- على مدار التاريخ، ألقى المجتمع باللوم على الأمهات في مجموعة متنوعة من المشاكل.

ففي الأربعينيات من القرن الماضي، افترض الطبيب النمساوي ليو كانر أن سبب اضطراب طيف التوحد هو “نقص حقيقي في دفء الأم”. خلال الفترة الزمنية نفسها

ألقى عالم النفس سيغموند فرويد وعلماء نفس آخرون باللوم على الأم في مرض انفصام شخصية، إذ ربطوا بينه وبين رفض الأم وعدم الارتباط بها.

ما متلازمة الطفل غير المرئي؟يجب على الآباء أيضا تحمل مسؤولياتهم عندما يرتكب أطفالهم أفعالا خاطئة (شترستوك)

الأمهات سبب الاضطرابات النفسية

قام كلا من الباحثين بولا ج. كابلان وإيان هول مكوركوديل بدراسة مجموعة واسعة من المجلات الطبية المتعلقة بالصحة العقلية، التي نُشرت بين عام 1970 بعد فترة وجيزة من بدء النهضة النسوية وعام 1982.

ووفقا للدراسة، فإنه خلال فترة 12 عاما لم ينحسر لوم الأم ولكنه استمر بمعدلات كبيرة جدا.

ألقى العلماء باللائمة على الأمهات في مجموعة واسعة من المشاكل؛ ففي 125 مقالة في الدراسة، تم تحميل الأمهات مسؤولية 72 نوعا مختلفا من الاضطرابات النفسية لدى أطفالهن

بدءا من رهاب الخلاء وفرط النشاط إلى الفصام، والحداد المبكر إلى التحول الجنسي القاتل؛ إلى درجة أن دراسة أكاديمية أرجعت أداء الفتيات السيئ نسبيا في الرياضيات إلى أمهاتهن.

هذه الصورة الجماعية للأمومة المُمْرِضة غير قابلة للتصديق علميا فحسب، بل إنها أيضا مدمرة اجتماعيا.

إن لوم الأم يضر أيضا بعلم النفس والمجتمع من خلال منعنا من النظر بعيون مفتوحة تماما إلى النطاق الكلي لأسباب تعاسة الأطفال والمشاكل النفسية.

الحجة الأكثر شيوعا

تقول الدكتورة لوري أومانكسي -أستاذ التاريخ في جامعة ولاية أركنساس والمؤلف المشارك لكتاب “الأمهات السيئات”- إن “جزءا من لوم الأمهات يكمن في البنية الجندرية لتربية الأطفال

حيث لا تزال الأمهات يقمن بمعظم الأعمال المرتبطة بالأطفال”، وتضيف أن عوامل مثل الآباء والمدارس والتلفزيون والبيئة خارج المنزل تؤثر بلا شك على الأطفال.

ولكن نظرا لأن الإنجاب يعد “عملا للمرأة”، يتم إلقاء اللوم على الأمهات بشكل انعكاسي تقريبا على أي شيء سيئ قد يصيب أطفالهن.

تقول أومانكسي كذلك إن التكيف الاجتماعي المتمثل في الثناء على الرجال لقيامهم بالحد الأدنى من الجهد جعلنا نعطي “تملقا لا داعي له” للأب عندما يكون جزءا من تربية الطفل.

هذا هو السبب في أن كلا الوالدين يُنسب إليهما الفضل في إنجازات طفلهما ونجاحه، في حين يتم إلقاء اللوم على الأم بسبب أخطاء طفلها.

وبدورها، تعتبر سوغاندا بورا أنه ليس هناك شك في أن الأمهات يؤثرن بشكل كبير على كيفية ظهور أطفالهن، لكن المجتمع لن يعترف أبدا بأن الآباء يمارسون التأثير نفسه، إن لم يكن أكثر.

ففي الهند، التي لها جذور أبوية نظامية، تقوم النساء في الغالب بمهام المنزل وتربية الأطفال. لذا، فإن الحجة الأكثر شيوعا التي يجدها المرء لتبرير اللوم هي أن الأم تبقى مع الطفل أكثر بكثير مما يفعل الأب.

افترض الطبيب النمساوي ليو كانر أن سبب اضطراب طيف التوحد هو “نقص حقيقي في دفء الأم” (بيكسلز)

لماذا يلقى العلماء باللوم على الأمهات؟

وفقا لصحيفة “واشنطن بوست” (Washington post) الأميركية، فإن أحد الأسباب هو أن الأمهات عادة ما يكن أكثر وضوحا للمعالجين من الآباء.

نظرا لأن الآباء غالبا ما يكونون أقل مشاركة من الأمهات في الأسرة، فعندما يعاني الطفل من مشكلة، ففي الغالب تكون الأم تقريبا هي التي تأخذ الطفل إلى المعالج.

ومن الأسهل إلقاء اللوم على الشخص في غرفة الانتظار بدلا من الاستكشاف الشاق لما -ومن- قد يسهم في مشاكل الطفل.

قد يكون سلوك الأم هو بالفعل المصدر الرئيسي للمشاكل لدى أحد الأبناء ولكن من ناحية أخرى، فإن سلوك الأب -أو ربما غيابه- يثير المشاكل.

ومع ذلك، قد يكون لطفل آخر لقاءات مزعجة مع شخص قريب أو مدرس، أو أشقاء أو أطفال آخرين أو ربما يعكس التوترات الناجمة عن الظروف الاجتماعية أو الاقتصادية الصعبة

إلا أن هذه الفروق الفردية غالبا لا يتم استعراضها في الدراسات الأكاديمية التي تلقي باللوم على الأمهات.

الشعور بالذنب

يجب أن يدرك المجتمع أنه من غير العدل أن تشعر الأمهات بالذنب بسبب أخطاء أطفالهن. فمن الضروري أيضا التفكير في كيفية تأثر الطفل بمحيطه أيضا

وليس بوالديه فقط؛ الأبوة والأمومة في غاية الأهمية، لكن لا يمكن لهما أن يكونا العاملين الوحيدين اللذين يحددان ما يفعله الطفل أو يمر به في حياته.

إضافة إلى ذلك، فإن الأطفال يرتكبون أخطاء لأنهم ساذجون وغير ناضجين. لذلك، من غير العدل أن تخجل الأم بسبب طرقها في التربية عندما يرتكب الطفل أمرا خاطئا.

يحتاج الآباء أيضا إلى أن يكونوا أكثر مراعاة، إذا كان بإمكانهم أن يفخروا بأطفالهم عندما يفعلون أي شيء بشكل صحيح، فيجب عليهم أيضا تحمل مسؤولياتهم عندما يرتكب أطفالهم أفعالا خاطئة.

المصدر : مواقع إلكترونية

مقالات ذات صلة

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